The first chapter of my novel, Wife 101, is appropriately titled, The Reason Why He Won’t Marry You. I have received a lot of raised eyebrows and interested glances from the title alone.The truth is that single women want to know the secret: Why won’t men commit?

I address a few of these concerns in Wife 101, but recently I was elated to read a book that validated my written stance and provided a professional perspective on what keeps a good man from popping the question. Below is my review of Dr. Dwayne Buckingham’s newly release book: Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single. Enjoy!

Read Dr. Wilson’s full review of the book on her blog, Coffeehouse Conversations.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact:

Jill M. Morris, Publicist J. Morris Public Relations, LLC, jill[at]jmorrispublicrelations.com

St. Louis Native Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham Gives Sneak Peek of His Upcoming Film “Qualified, Yet Single: The Film Gives Women Surprising Insight on How Single Men Really Think

St. Louis, MO – April 17, 2012. Psychotherapist and Relationship Expert Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham will be hosting his R.E.A.L. Love Celebration 2012 series in St. Louis with an exclusive advanced screening of his highly-anticipated film, “Qualified, Yet Single:  Why Good Men Remain Single” on Thursday, May 10, 2012 from 7:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. at the Tivoli Theatre in the Delmar Loop.  The screening will be followed by a singles mixer on Friday, May 11, 2012 from 5:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. at the Legacy Café, 5249 Delmar Blvd.  Dr. Buckingham will also release his newest book of the same title on May 10. The book will be available at both events.  Dr. Buckingham will be signing books at the Tivoli Theatre prior to the screening from 2:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m.  There is a $10 admission fee to the screening; however admission is free for all book purchasers.

The film, which is due for release late June 2012, explores the lives of several “well-qualified” single, Black men who reveal their reasons for being single.  Some are happy and single by choice, while others are dealing with deep embedded issues that are preventing them from moving forward to a healthy relationship.  “My primary reason for doing the film was to give single men, who are perceived to be well-qualified, a platform to speak their truth about their single status, but to also provide single women with the subtle red flags to look for in a “good” man prior to jumping in a relationship.  Lots of men are carrying very deep issues that are not easily communicated,” says Dr. Buckingham.

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham is a renowned psychotherapist, motivational speaker, author and activist who provides individual and marital therapy to military soldiers and their families assigned to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland. He is also the founder and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, LLC located in Silver Spring, Maryland. To learn more about Dr. Dwayne Buckingham visit his website at www.DrBuckingham.com.  You can also read his blog at www.DrDwayneBuckingham.com and follow him on Twitter at @DrDBuckingham.

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Relationships built on game playing cannot and do not work. Steve Harvey’s advice to “Think Like a Man” is extremely irrational and flawed.  An individual’s behavior is not only influenced by thinking, but is determined by it. It is impossible to think one way and act another. Flawed and irrational thinking will not and cannot lead to healthy emotional expression or behavior.

As a licensed and board certified psychotherapist with more than fourteen years of clinical and community outreach experience, I feel that my efforts to help Black women enter into and develop healthy relationships are being undermined by self-proclaimed relationship experts who are sabotaging and corrupting the mind-sets of women who desire to receive true love and commitment from men. Self-proclaimed relationship experts give advice based on external behavior that is present to the eye, but they often do not discuss the why behind behavior because they are not trained or truly qualified to do so. In some cases it is okay to start where a person is at and move forward. This is the essence of life coaching. However, in my professional experience with interacting with thousands of women and men in therapy, I have learned that behind ever behavior there is usually an underlying emotional or psychological issue that has not been addressed.

If you take nothing else from this article, please understand that human behavior and development is much more complex than what is discussed on radio shows, blogs and in barber and beauty shops throughout America. I say this not to offend anyone or to minimize their opinions, but to basically emphasize that personal views about men and relationships in general should be taken with a grain of salt. I strongly advise you to do your own research and to check the credentials of individuals who you listen too. Listed below are five reasons why you should not think like a man.

1. You should not “Think Like A Man” because men often think that minimizing and repressing emotions is acceptable.

While both women and men experience emotional distress, men’s coping styles are usually very passive in nature when it comes to dealing with emotions. As men we are repeatedly instructed to deny or minimize our emotions; therefore we often ignore and avoid dealing with them until they become unbearable.

2. You should not “Think Like A Man” because men think that expression of emotions is a sign of weakness.

Expressing sensitive or nurturing emotions, or giving freely, is not praised or encouraged among men. The pressure to maintain our masculinity and to remain strong often creates emotional roadblocks for us and feelings of remorse, forgiveness, sadness, and empathy are overshadowed by feelings of self-pity, anger, embarrassment, pride, and loss.

3. You should not “Think Like A Man” because some men think that it is okay to make decisions with their “little heads” instead of their big heads.

“Get all the sex, you can get” mindset appears to be the driving force that dictate most men’s behavior. Sexual dominance is often praised and encouraged among men and is used to demonstrate power and control. This mindset is the root cause of adulterous behavior among some men and is significantly contributing to the decline of the marriage institute.

4. You should not “Think Like A Man” because men think that it is acceptable to think then act.

This is unhealthy and flawed thinking because the most important aspect of human bonding and understanding is centered on emotional intimacy, not intellectual or behavioral. A man or woman who operates without processing from the heart will often fail at developing meaningful relationships. Decisions to act should not occur without processing thoughts, feelings and behaviors – Think-Feel-Do.

5. You should not “Think Like A Man” because men think that they can play games and get positive results in their relationships.

How defective is this thinking? Even the bible says, “You Reap What You So” (Galatians 6:7). If you start a relationship playing games, you will become a game. If you enter a relationship based on deception, you will maintain a relationship based on deception.

In sum, I would like to remind you that you are what you think, so be careful of what you think. For as he thinks in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). It is important to nurture you mind with realistic and practical information because your thoughts will become your destiny. According to the U.S. Census there are over 40, 206, 000 men who have never married. In my soon to be released book and film, I refer to them as Qualified, yet Single. Watch what you think or this will become your destiny – Qualified, yet Single.

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham is a renowned psychotherapist, motivational speaker, author and activist who provide individual and marital therapy to military soldiers and their families assigned to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland. He is also the founder and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, LLC located in Silver Spring, Maryland.  To receive Dr. Buckingham’s newsletter, please click here.

Although Loretta Lynn, a famous country singer, is not a black woman, her observation about her own  experience in marriage is a good one, and right in line with the topic of my new book, Can a Black Woman Achieve Marital Satisfaction.

For Loretta, her experience was that she had a kind, caring father, and carried the expectation into her marriage that her own spouse would be kind and loving. Unfortunately for her, the man she married did not possess those traits and her marriage remained tumultuous throughout. But the fact remains that her expectation about who a husband should be was created early by the way her father treated her.

Similarly, women interviewed for Can Black Women Achieve Marital Satisfaction opened up about how their early family experiences shaped their success in future relationships. “I was shut down by my father and did not have a voice as a child,” said Sabrina, one of the seven women interviewed for the book. “So in my marriage, I didn’t feel like I had a voice either. I didn’t know how to communicate my emotions and feelings. So it came out angrily all the time.”

The fact remains that a relationship with her father becomes the first standard by which a daughter has to measure her future relationships, and good or bad, her relationships in the future will be measured against that barometer. If the relationship with her father is difficult, or non-existent, her expectation of how to behave in a marriage will be different than that of a woman who grew up with a positive measurement.

As you can see through the two quotes, Loretta has a high expectation of who a husband should be while Sabrina automatically assumes that because in her relationship with her father she didn’t have a voice that she would not have a voice in her marriage.

Knowing this to be the case it is important that as men we can examine what expectation we are setting for our daughters, and as women it becomes important to acknowledge what standard you are measuring your husband against.

Men, if your daughter were to use your relationship with her as a guide, what would her relationship be like with her future husband. Loving? Troubled? Non-existent? Women, how has your past relationship with your father shaped how you view relationships?

With the theme, It Takes Two, Black Marriage Day 2012 takes place on Sunday, March 25. Singles and couples alike can show solidarity and support for strong black families and communities by taking part in the day’s activities. Here are three ways that you can show your support for Black Marriage Day 2012:

Attend a Black Marriage Day event in your area. Black Marriage Day Celebrations are taking place in more than 300 communities across the country. Real Horizons will be at a book signing and lecture in St. Louis for the new book, Can Black Women Achieve Marital Satisfaction. In the Washington, D.C. area, Tyler New Media debuts their new film, Still Standing. From workshops, to lectures, to awards ceremonies, churches, community organizations and other groups are offering events to acknowledge black marriage nationwide, so there’s little excuse not to get out and show your support wherever you are.

Host your own book club or movie screening. If you aren’t able to go to a Black Marriage Day event, create an event of your own. Get a few friends together and watch positive movies about black marriage and follow up with a discussion. Or read about relationships in the black community and share your thoughts. Wedded Bliss offers suggestions and materials to help guide you toward making your event a success.

Reach out to a black, married couple and show your support. This could be as simple as calling a couple and letting them know that you support and care about them, or you could send them a gift to show your support for their marriage.

Do you have any other suggestions to add? How will you be celebrating Black Marriage Day?

CHAARM and Wedded Bliss Foundation, Inc., will present the Ninth Annual Black Marriage Day celebration, Sunday, March 25, 2011, with the theme “It Takes Two.”

With more than 69% of Black Children being born out of wedlock, African Americans must take advantage of every opportunity to learn about and celebrate the institute of marriage.

In recognition of Black Marriage Day, CHAARM has partnered with R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, LLC to host an Exclusive Book Signing and Lecture Discussion at St. Peter AME Church located at 4730 Margaretta Avenue in St. Louis, Missouri 63115.

I will autograph copies of my newly released book entitled, Can Black Women Achieve Marital Satisfaction? and facilitate a discussion about how childhood nurturing experiences impact adult marital satisfaction.

According to the U.S. Census approximately 42% of Black women have never been married. This research based book takes a look into the lives of seven married Black women who shared their heart-felt childhood and adult experiences.

Sample quote:

“I was shut down by my father and did not have a voice as a child. So in my marriage, I didn’t feel like I had a voice either. I didn’t know how to communicate my emotions and feelings. So it came out angrily all the time.” – Sabrina

This community empowerment event is for anyone who wants to gain insight about the parent-child relationship and its impact on adult behavior. Also, dinner will be available for individuals who would like to nurture their bodies while they nurture their minds.

***Must register on line for the dinner.

Do not miss out on this Exclusive Event – Purchase your Ticket Now!

Only 50 seats available!

F or more information about this Exclusive Event and toPurchase Your Ticket, please visit:

http://blackmarriageday2012.eventbrite.com

Individuals who do not reside in the St. Louis area can Pre-order the book at a discounted rate by clicking on the following link:

http://www.realhorizonsdlb.com/CanBlackWomenBook.html

The R.E.A.L. Concept is presented in seminars and speeches to increase individuals’ self-awareness, self-determination and personal accountability.

The R.E.A.L. Concept is articulated as:

   R- Realistic approach

                               L – unconditional Love