The 5 Types of Churchgoing Saints

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Like many saints, I go to church every Sunday because I enjoy fellowshipping and learning the word. But unfortunately, at times I get discouraged and dread going to church because I do not always look forward to dealing with the different types of saints. I realize that people are unique and different, but certain saints are difficult beings. However, in order to keep myself motivated and inspired about attending church, I engage in behavioral profiling which involves observing and categorizing saints.

I truly believe that understanding behavior is the first step to coping with it. Each saint has his or her reason (s) for attending church and in order to make the church a place where people can enjoy each other and fellowship in harmony, we have to start having conversations about the types of saints who attend and influence others in the church.

From my observations I have come to learn that are 5 Types of Churchgoing Saints. Read more

I’ve Experienced a Lot of Adversity in My Life: What Can I Do to Remain Optimistic?

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Hey Dr. B,

I have been going through some things in my personal life, and I do not know how to move on. I work very hard to remain positive and upbeat, but I have experienced a lot of adversity in my life. I was abused as a child, abandoned by my mother who used drugs and even experienced homelessness at one time. My mind is a mess. However, I keep pushing on because God has provided for me through the tough times. I have a heart of God and feel blessed because I am still breathing. Nevertheless, sometimes I still find it difficult to remain optimistic.

With such turmoil in my life, what can I do to remain optimistic?

Thanks in advance,

A Blessed Man

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What Does It Mean to Be “Good” in Singleness for a Christian Woman?

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

My boyfriend and I constantly argue and fight about what it means to be good in singleness. He believes that being good in singleness is about how he conducts himself in church and in the community. I disagree. We have sex on a regular basis, and he does not view this as being problematic. In his mind, he believes he is good in his singleness.

Because we are bombarded with sex in so many different ways daily, my boyfriend like others have become desensitized and believe it’s just the way things are today. Although I am guilty of engaging in premarital sex, I was raised to know and do better. Before I discuss this with my boyfriend again, I wanted to know if you could share your thoughts about this topic from a Christian perspective. Please help!

What Does it Mean to Be Good in Singleness?

Thanks,

Good in Singleness

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As a Single Man, What is the Best Thing I Can Do to Find a Wife?

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Dr. Buckingham,

I am a successful young man who wants to have a wife and children in the near future. A few years ago, I relocated from the South to D.C. with the belief I would have better prospects. I am approaching my mid-30s, and I feel discouraged about my prospects. I meet women who appear to be good for me, but things just never work out.

I have not been able to identify my problem. I can admit I have some unresolved personal issues, but I truly do not believe that I am the problem. I attend social gatherings, church functions and business events with the hope I will find my wife. I have searched high and low for my future queen and have had very little success. I decided to write you because I do not want to go too far down the discouragement path and give up on finding love.

As a Single Man, What is the Best Thing  I Can Do to Find a Wife?

Thanks,

Husband Material

 

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3 Benefits of Seeking Professional Premarital Counseling

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Hello Dr. Buckingham,

I have been dating this guy for a few years now and we are talking about marriage. I read a lot of your articles about relationships and most of them have a common theme. You often recommend that people seek professional counseling. I want my marriage to start off on the right foot, but I do not get the counseling thing. My fiancé has some fear and commitment issues and can be cold and detached at times, but overall he is a good guy. I believe that we are in love, but sometimes I wonder if we are rushing toward marriage out of lust. I am interested in learning more about my fiancé and myself, but as an African American female I was raised to keep my business private.

What Are the Benefits of Seeking Professional Premarital Counseling?

Sincerely,

Ms. Private

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3 Steps to a Happy Wife and Happy Life

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Hi Dr. Buckingham,

My wife and I have been married for two years, and we are hearing a lot of negative talk about marriage. We both come from broken homes and are afraid our pasts will impact our marriage. We are young, in love and work hard to remain positive about our marriage. My wife and I have a 1-year-old daughter, and I want to do everything in my power to keep my wife happy and family together. I believe in the saying, “A happy wife, a happy life.” What advice do you have for me?

How can I keep my wife happy?

Thanks in advance,

Young and Married

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I’m Smaller Than Average: When Should I Bring Up My “Penis Situation?”

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Hello Dr. Buckingham,

I am a man and have a smaller than average penis. Not just length, but girth as well. This has often caused issues in romantic relationships. Sometimes, the women I have dated will attempt to “act” in the opposite with a lot of wild talk, only to reveal that they’ve never had to deal with this and didn’t know what to say or how to have a conversation. Currently, I am leery of pursuing anyone for fear of getting to the sexual element of the relationship.

I’m Smaller Than Average: When Should I Bring Up My “Penis Situation?” Before sex, after the first time or at the beginning of the relationship?

Thanks,

Physically Challenged

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Should I Give My Fiancé his Ring Back and Move On?

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Hello Dr. Buckingham,

I just read a few of your articles and thought God must’ve sent me in your direction. I am currently dealing with infidelity in my relationship and am having a hard time getting through it.

Here’s my story:
I’ve been dating my now fiancé for 2 1/2 years now. We became exclusive a year ago. I just recently found out that he had been cheating on me throughout our whole relationship (exclusive and dating). Not only had he been cheating but he fathered a child who will soon be a year old. He never told me about this, she reached out to me recently, she also told me that she believes she is currently pregnant by him as well. Well I just had a child by him and we recently became engaged. I’m completely heart broken and shattered. He came clean, apologized and swears he does not love her, care for her or want to be with her. He has never seen the child, which she confirmed and he only continued to have sex with her because she threatened to make his life miserable. He went to see a counselor, we then went to counseling together but stopped because I recently had our child. We have been trying to work things out since. (I found all of this out the end of August 2015). He vowed to never see her again and to be truthful and honest from now on.

So here we are still working on us 3 months later and bam, now I just recently found out he’s been flirting with a woman (and other women) via social media throughout this whole ordeal. This one particular woman was one of the women he was seeing while we were dating. I am so hurt and confused all over again. I confronted him, he admitted he flirts but only because she had low self esteem and he was trying to make her feel better about herself smdh. He’s had no recent physical contact with her but he has gone out with her in the past and he claims they never had sex. I knew he was a flirt because that’s how we started talking but I didn’t think he flirted with others especially once we became serious. I love him, I know he loves me but I now have all of this constantly on my mind. I want to work it out for the sake of our child but I have no trust for him at all. I can’t live with this feeling of not being good enough, him possibly having 2 kids on the side, and now emotional infidelity via social media. I’m so confused and hurt, I don’t know what to do. What would you suggest? Can he be trusted in the future? Should I Give My Fiancé his Ring Back and Move On?

Sleepless in Charm City

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My Husband Abandoned Me, What Should I Do?

Dear Dr. Buckingham,

My husband left me after a big disagreement. But here is the kicker, we were only married for four months and we have a baby together. Now, it has been a year since he left.

At the time, he wanted me to kick my cousin and godsister out of our house. I’m from another state, and they were my only close family. I told them that they both had a year to find jobs and get their own place, but my husband could not wait. Since he left, he has been staying at his cousin’s house in the basement. He takes care of our daughter and pays my bills when he feels like it. We see each other once a week, but I am in school now and work part-time. I’m just getting tired and growing frustrated because he hasn’t move back in yet. When he left he gave me a list of things he wanted me to do before he would come back home. I completed them and moved into a new house away from the little bit of family that I do have, and he still has not moved back home.

My husband abandoned me; what should I do?

Signed, Mrs. Abandonment Read more

5 Tips for Dating Yourself (You Don’t Want to Miss)

Self-Esteem

Written by Karen Bontrager

Being on a first time date requires much effort on an individual’s part because the overall objective is to appear confident and well put together. With this goal in mind, a person will spend a considerable amount of time choosing the perfect outfit, and getting ready. During the entirety of the date, they will be extremely nervous about their own conversation and actions. And when the evening has ended, every detail will be laboriously scrutinized; from the choice of venue and dinner selections to the errors and omissions of both parties.

The above scenario is what typically occurs on a first date for many people, but what tends to happen to so many of us who are not engaging in these first time experiences, or who are not currently involved in relationships? I cannot speak for men, although I am sure that they suffer as well, but the research is clear that many single women, both young and old, waste that precious time lamenting over couples in love, watching Netflix, and eating excessive amounts of junk food, while feeling overtly emotional. Please, do not condemn yourself ladies if this has been your weekend routine for the last month, year, and/or decade. For the males who are reading this, who have similar but not the same coping mechanisms, imagine that there is a different, more positive perspective to be had about being single. Consider, for a moment what would be possible if right now you could learn to expend your unused, positive energy of being with that exciting, first time date on you because you knew the Five Tips for Dating Yourself. How would your attitude and life change with such a mindset? Realize that if given some time to adjust to this new way of thinking, you could get as excited getting to know and admire you, as that person potentially sitting across the table.

Here are 5 Tips for Dating Yourself (You Don’t Want to Miss).

Get acquainted with this concept of dating yourself.

Since you may not have thought about being single in this positive manner, it will take some time getting adjusted to the idea. (Parents, talk to your teen or college-aged child about enjoying this stage in their lives. Explain that this period will not last and should be cherished).

Consider the first date with you.

Spend time imagining the possibilities of being able to be alone with yourself and actually enjoying the experience of getting to know you. What comes up? Are you uncomfortable by the mere thought, or are you feeling positive about giving yourself the permission to be with whatever is there?

Start to journal.

Writing down your thoughts every day will help you reflect upon the things that you are learning about you, which will help you appreciate yourself more.

Begin to take into consideration your likes and dislikes.

If you have never thought about what you wanted or do not want, start today. Use your past as a benchmark. What activities and individuals have made you happy and brought enjoyment into your life, and how can you incorporate more of these people and things into your life currently?

Be merciful with your ability to adjust.

If you are not used to being single, do not condemn yourself for being upset or feeling lonely occasionally because old habits die hard.

Dating someone for the first time, whether it is another or you, takes some getting used to in the beginning. However, if you decide to date yourself, you may discover that you are a truly, special person that has much to give another if you learn to first give to you.