Love and Money Live: Pre-Valentine Day Workshop

LoveandMoneyWorkshop

By attending this informative workshop you will:

  • Obtain knowledge about how love and money can bring you happiness or sadness
  • Acquire knowledge about the self-publishing process from manuscript development to print
  • Develop an understanding of Entrepreneurship and How to Start a Business

Register now at: http://realhorizonsdlb.com/product/love-money-live-pre-valentine-day-workshop/

Should I Disown My Sister For Cheating With My Husband?

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

My marriage has been torn apart because of the actions of two people that I love to the moon and back. My husband of 6 years slept with my younger sister. My younger sister came to stay with us after she graduated college. We allowed her to stay with us until she got on her feet.

My husband is 42 years old and my sister is 22 years old. You might be wondering why I mentioned their ages. Well I believe that my husband seduced my younger sister. He purchased her clothes and gave her money. Initially, I did not think anything about their relationship until he allowed her to drive his Aston Martin Vanquish. The car cost over $200K.

I started to question their relationship when this started because he has never allowed me to drive the car. I went to work one day and decided to come home early. As I walked through the door I saw the two of them on the couch kissing. I quickly closed the door and jumped back in my car. I went to a friend’s house and stayed there for the night. My husband called and begged me to come home. My husband provides me with a first class lifestyle, but treats me a like a second-class citizen. I know that I have to face this, but I feel so disrespected by both of them and my heart is crushed. I know that my marriage is over, but I cannot divorce my sister. Should I Disown My Sister for Cheating with My Husband?

Please help,

Second Class Wife

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What Resolutions Should I Adopt To Make My Marriage Thrive in 2018?

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I have been married for 6 years and my marriage has been rocky every since I said I do. My husband and I have problems with communication, intimacy and connecting all together for various personal, interpersonal and family reasons. I love my husband to the moon and back and I want our marriage to thrive, not survive. As we approach the New Year I made a promise to myself that I would do my part to make my marriage thrive. But to be honest I do not know what to do. I am not one to put a lot of energy into developing New Year Resolutions because I do not know how to create ones that work or last. I would like to enhance my marriage in the coming year and beyond, but I am stuck. What Resolutions Should I Adopt To Make My Marriage Thrive in 2018 and Beyond?

Thanks,

New Year, New Wife

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Why Do So Many Christian Couples Fail at Marriage?

Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I have been reading your articles for some time now and I notice that you often talk about God and often encourage people to pray. My husband and I have been married for 12 years, but we are having problems because we do not operate as one or put each other first. Also, family members and friends are constantly in our business.

We are faithful church members and do what is expected of us. However, despite all of the praying and worshipping, our marriage is on the rocks. I struggle to understand how we have so much conflict considering that we are committed Christians. In your opinion, “Why Do So Many Christian Couples Fail At Marriage?” Please advise.

Godly Wife

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Can a Marriage Survive Infidelity That Results in Childbirth?

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I was reading one of your articles online at Black and Married With Kids. I have a question and/or need some direction on where to go for help in restoring my two year old marriage.

My husband told me of the affair two days post our annual anniversary trip with two other couples/friends. The news came to him by way of another couple that we know. A woman had a two-week-old baby that she claimed to be his. So he was basically forced to tell me before someone else did and said he had no knowledge of impregnating this woman.

He finally told me she was someone who works at the same place he works but in a different department. It’s so hard for me to believe that he hadn’t seen her at anytime since he had sex with her. Although I don’t believe she said anything to him about the pregnancy, because I think she wants to have him in the way I do. Her mother also works at the same place and told one of his family members that she didn’t tell him because of his situation but yet she told someone that knows our friends to make sure it gets back to both of us. Either way, it hurts. He claims it happened once and he made a terrible mistake, of course.

My question is, Can A Marriage Survive Infidelity that Results in Childbirth? Can my husband be trusted after putting my life on the line, having unprotected sex and also with this baby?

I know counseling is paramount but what type of counseling? Where do we look? Should I stay with him? Should he or I move out? I want to work things out but I’m not sure how to trust him. This will either make our marriage stronger or kill it. I’m confused.

Thanks in advance,

Betrayed and Confused Wife

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What Ingredients Are Needed to Create a Thriving and Fruitful Marriage?

Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I am a 28-year-old single male, but I recently proposed to my girl. I want to get married fairly soon. I have been following you and you often talk about unconditional love in your articles. I know that love is needed to develop and sustain a marriage, but I am pretty sure that there are other things. You also talk about trust, respect and effective communication.  But besides these things, what else is need to make marriage work? I want my marriage to start off on the right foot. What ingredients are needed to create a thriving and fruitful marriage?

Single, But Ready for Marriage

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No Justice, No Peace? A Black Man’s Guide to Clinically Treating Your Suppressed Rage

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I am 38-year-old black father who wants to comfort and educate my 13-year-old son during these difficult times, but I am struggling myself.

With the recent killings of Philando Castile, Alton Sterling and the cops in Dallas [Editor’s note: this letter was written prior to the attack on the Baton Rouge officers] my heart has been heavy lately, and I have been feeling a little vulnerable.

I know that you are probably not used to hearing a man, especially a black man, say that he feels vulnerable. I have experienced a lot of things growing up, but I have never really felt vulnerable.

I am trying to make sense out of my emotions and my feelings of white people, especially white cops. Like most black men, I want to comfort and help my son, but I do not understand this emotional thing that is happening with me.

As a psychotherapist can you provide some insight?

Which emotion causes people to feel vulnerable and react violently?

Thanks in advance,

Vulnerable Black Father

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Adulterous and Abusive Wife: Do I Have Grounds for a Divorce?

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Good afternoon Dr. Buckingham,

My wife and I have been married for 19 years. I will admit the marriage has been on rocky ground from day 1, with the exception of the birth of our children. My wife has been verbally abusive the majority of the marriage; she yells and screams at our kids and rarely apologizes when wrong.

A few years ago, I read a text message my wife wrote to someone whom I considered a friend. The message read, “I know old girl is over there, I’m not mad.” I immediately questioned what was going on and received a response of “nothing” and “oh, we are reading each others text now?” Because I couldn’t prove anything, I didn’t confront the issue further. I just let it fade away, but deep within, I struggled dealing with it.

People had made certain statements around me to make me think she had cheated, but I would always say not my wife (but I always did have some doubt). Oh, did I mention that early in our marriage a man called my house (I could hear clearly), and she said “girl, yes” as if a female was on the phone. When asked why she did it, she said she didn’t want me to think anything.

So recently, I finally asked my wife if she loved me or was in love with me. She turned the question over to me without answering. I then asked if she had cheated on me in our 19 years of marriage. And she admitted she had on two occasions (with different people) within the past seven years. She admitted the affair with the friend, but told me it happened during a time she didn’t know if she loved me and wanted out.

At first, I thought I was not ready to give up on my family, and I’m ready to fight to save it. But now I’m not so sure. I really have a problem with infidelity. I know I can forgive her because that is what Christ requires of us, but I can’t get over the fact she put the family through so much over the years, while cheating in the process. Nor can I get over the fact that she allowed a friend to invade what I considered to be mine. Now she wants to make things right. I am now her ROCK, her man, her lover and her friend. This is the first time I have heard this from my wife in 19 years. My plans are to leave, but my children are priority.

Based on my wife’s behavior do I have grounds for divorcing her?

Signed, Husband in Doubt

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Should a Wife Have the Right to Snoop Through Her Husband’s Phone?

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Hi Dr. Buckingham,

I have been married for six years, and my husband and I grew up in different countries (I in the U.S. and he in the Caribbean). He was very honest with me from the beginning about his extensive sexual past. I was a virgin when we married. He keeps in contact with a lot of people from his homeland via social media. And I recently found out he was speaking to someone he used to sleep with (but didn’t consider to be a girlfriend); she was reminding him of the intimate times they had together and sending naughty pictures, and from what I saw, he didn’t tell her to stop. I told him I was uncomfortable with it, and he told me it was nothing serious, he was just “joking around” with her; he has since blocked her on all his social media accounts.

The problem is I found this out by going through his phone (I know it’s wrong). To be honest, I’ve done that on and off since we got married. Because I don’t know all his friends from his home, I felt this was a way to get to know who he was speaking to and what kind of relationships he had with them (male or female). This time though, the issue with this girl really threw me into a dark hole of insecurity, and I am continually pestering him about it. He didn’t change the passcode on his phone. But he has demanded that I stop going through his phone because he feels like he’s constantly being watched when he’s home and because he feels I’m hurting myself more than him when I do that.

I really do want to stop going through his stuff because it has caused other problems in the past. My question is: how can I feel comfortable to trust his word again fully when I feel he is now so overprotective of his phone? My biggest concern is that he will unblock this girl and start talking to her again now that he knows his wife won’t be going through his phone anymore.

Do I have a right to snoop or does my husband have a valid point—Should there be privacy in marriage?

Thank you,

Mrs. N

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The 5 Types of Churchgoing Saints

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Like many saints, I go to church every Sunday because I enjoy fellowshipping and learning the word. But unfortunately, at times I get discouraged and dread going to church because I do not always look forward to dealing with the different types of saints. I realize that people are unique and different, but certain saints are difficult beings. However, in order to keep myself motivated and inspired about attending church, I engage in behavioral profiling which involves observing and categorizing saints.

I truly believe that understanding behavior is the first step to coping with it. Each saint has his or her reason (s) for attending church and in order to make the church a place where people can enjoy each other and fellowship in harmony, we have to start having conversations about the types of saints who attend and influence others in the church.

From my observations I have come to learn that are 5 Types of Churchgoing Saints. Read more