Hi Dr. Buckingham,
My wife and I have been married for two years, and we are hearing a lot of negative talk about marriage. We both come from broken homes and are afraid our pasts will impact our marriage. We are young, in love and work hard to remain positive about our marriage. My wife and I have a 1-year-old daughter, and I want to do everything in my power to keep my wife happy and family together. I believe in the saying, “A happy wife, a happy life.” What advice do you have for me?
How can I keep my wife happy?
Thanks in advance,
Young and Married
How can I keep my wife happy?
Dear Young and Married,
Do not stress about trying to have a perfect marriage because there is no such thing. There are healthy and unhealthy marriages. Your goal is to have a healthy marriage filled with happiness. I often remind young couples that marriage is what you make it. You make it good or bad, depending on the work you put into it.
In my opinion, a lot of people fail at marriage because they listen to and surround themselves with the wrong types of people. Keep negative people at a distance and keep your wife close. This will help you keep your house in order. Also, remember your wife is your obligation and your daughter is your responsibility. You vowed before God to love and honor your wife and committed to fatherhood when you helped birthed your daughter.
I agree with the saying, “A Happy Wife, A Happy Life.” Given this, here are three strategies to keep your wife happy.
Remain One Flesh
“What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate;” this is according to Mark chapter 10, verse 9. When you stood before God, your family and friends at the altar, you became one flesh with your wife. Both you and your wife happily recited vows and promised to love each other forever as one. Your wife is your gift from God, and you have to work diligently to take care of your gift. This involves removing negative forces who are working against your marriage. Equip yourself with the good relationship skills and spiritual wisdom needed to address people who threaten your marriage. If you want to keep your wife happy, remain one flesh and do not let anyone come between you and her.
Keep an Open Mind
Marriage is like a rollercoaster. You will have ups and downs. However, the key to enjoying the rollercoaster is to keep an open mind. As life happens, your love for your wife will be tested. During challenging times, you will long for what you had in the beginning. Be careful during this period because the mind can become rigid and stubbornness will sink in. When you focus on what was, you get stuck. Understand that marriages evolve and the people in them grow. Therefore, it is important to keep an open mind, so that you can mature with new seasons too. I often remind people a closed mind is like a closed bank account…nothing can be deposited. Nurture your mind, so you can nurture your marriage and wife.
Never Say No When It Is Possible to Say Yes
This is a personal strategy of mine. I keep my wife happy because I never say, “no” when it is possible to say, “yes.” I have learned the power of “yes.” If you want to generate positive energy and happiness, give your wife what she needs to be happy. Some men say, “no” when they can easily say, “yes.” If my wife ask for a new purse and her request does not create problems for us financially, I say, “yes.” Life is too short to live in disharmony. Do not worry about spoiling your wife because there is no such thing. “Yes” responses are more likely to generate more “yes” responses. It’s called Karma; you reap what you sow. You generate happiness, so you can be happy.
Good luck with your marriage and remember to keep God in the center. Never take your wife for granted and remember that your happiness is determined by your actions.
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.